Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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