just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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