you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
