im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
