The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
