my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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