oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
