My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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