Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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