I want to have your abortion
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
