Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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