his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
third nipple confirmed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
