Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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