I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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