i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
