OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
