I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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