Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
