i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
