I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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