i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
