I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
