How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
