you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
