conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
