I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
