I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
