there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
