Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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