Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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