she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I need moral support for this bender
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
