direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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