we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
