god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
