She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
