Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
