You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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