This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
