my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
