that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
