for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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