I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
