she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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