This girl is more easily done than said...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
