So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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