if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
