Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
