This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
