I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She announced her abortion via fbk
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
