Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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