His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
