I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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